How Do You Mend A Broken Heart

 

"Smartass Disciple: Master, how do you heal the broken heart?

Master of Stupidity: It isn't a disease need to be healed. It's life."

- Toba Beta

 

Everyone over the age of 5 has had their heart broken in one way or another.  As the Tin Man said, "Now I know I've got a heart because it's breaking." 

 

The first time I remember having my heart broken was as a small child, perhaps 7 years old or so.  We had a cat named Dutch, a large cat with long snow white hair.  One day he didn't come home, and I was told that he got hit by a car while coming home from seeing his girlfriend.  That night I cried myself to sleep. 

 

Oddly the most recent loss that I suffered also involved a beloved pet, also a cat.  A few weeks ago we had to say goodbye to Eartha Kitty, who had been with me for some 17 years. 

 

However the two situations were very different.  In the case of Eartha she lived a very full, healthy, and hopefully happy life.  Also as an adult I should have been expected to handle the loss in a more mature manner.  I can't say that I cried myself to sleep, but I did do a lot of crying. 

 

As an adult, hopefully I have the emotional tools to handle these heartaches better.  Yet as an adult I have a fuller understanding of what happened.  When Dutch passed away all those years ago I'm sure it hurt at the time, but I must confess my memory is sketchy at best.  Within a day I was probably over my loss.

 

When we have a loss as an adult it takes much longer.  And can hurt much more deeply.

 

Research on the reactions of terminally ill patients by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has identified 5 distinct stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. According to some researchers and psychologists going through these 5 stages is necessary in order to process any type of loss in a healthy way. 

 

Other research has shown that these stages are not universal, and not required in order to achieve healthy closure.  Separate studies by George Bonanno and Yale University have shown that the 5 stages are not universal, are not required for a healthy closure of loss, and may actually be counter productive.

 

In the end every individual has to find their own way to cope with each situation.  Which still leaves us with the question, how do you mend a broken heart?

 

When someone suffers a physical injury the doctor will prescribe pain medicine to help ease the suffering.  While this is not a cure in itself, it can be a key element of healing.  The pain of the body needs to be eased to allow it to heal. 

 

So it is with a broken heart.  The pain the heart feels needs to be eased so the heart can heal itself.  And there are many ways the pain of a broken heart can be eased.

 

Chocolate is a good place to start.  And if it's dark chocolate it's rich in antioxidants, so it's really a health food.

 

Another sure pain killer for a wounded heart is a good laugh, such as going to a funny movie. 

 

Personally I'd stay away from any Woody Allen movie.  Cold war comedies like "Dr. Strangelove, Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb" are too dark, and the titles are too long.  Something on the whacky side, like "The God's Must Be Crazy II."  An Adam Sandler movie may result in the good, old fashioned belly laugh you need.

 

Or, if you're a man, any Three Stooges film. 

 

There are many unhealthy ways to deal with a broken heart.  Drug abuse, indiscriminate sex, and buying things like blankets with sleeves from late night TV.

 

How do you mend a broken heart?  Many people claim to have the answer, yet a one-size-fits-all fix will never bring the healing that's needed. 

 

No matter who you are, and no matter what loss you've suffered, there are people there to help.  You just have to look around and ask.  Remember they can help ease the pain, but they can't heal your heart for you. 

 

Everyone must find their own path.  That's the way a broken heart becomes a stronger heart.